Ever wondered what to do on the first date? Should you pay for first, second dates? Should you buy gifts, dinners and luxury jewelry for your girlfriends or women you are seeing? Should you pick up the bill on cab rides, or curate a lifestyle just to attract and impress her? Yes, and money does matter. However it doesn’t matter in the way that most men think.
What to Do on the First Date: The Ultimate Guide
- Planning Out Low Investment First Dates
In general, I only plan for low cost and investment first dates. This usually means coffee at Starbucks or a cafe. If you’re a creep, she’s free to excuse herself since it’s a public area. If she doesn’t turn out like who she is on her Tinder profile, your investment is a mere coffee. You’re both free to excuse yourselves.
- Pick a Central Location
Psychological research shows that people value things more when they get they invest personal time, money and effort.
On picking a location, there’s no need to get fancy with crazy first date ideas. You should choose a neutral location between your place and hers. This way, she’ll be investing time and effort to travel to meet you. I almost never drive to pick anyone up for a first date.
However, you’ll soon figure out that time and money aren’t actually powerful forms of investment at all. If you’re honest to yourself, you should invest your time and money in all the wrong places all the time.
- Time: Evenings
You should ideally plan dates for the evening to generate more expectation. Oh yeah, a date out with her friends is NOT a date.
- Set the Tone
The first date is the date that is going to set the tone of your relationship with her. If she’s attracted to you and you don’t act upon it, she’s going to lose that attraction.
- Create Opportunities for Physical Intimacy
In general, try to create opportunity for physical intimacy on the first date. This means, forget movie and dinner dates. They are too un-interactive and don’t introduce any physical intimacy: in the movie theatre, you’re are sitting beside her, silent and facing forward. Not a good idea to get to know each other.
If you’re at a restaurant, depending on your smart you are with your sitting position, you might end up sitting across her and facing her like you’re going in for an interview. That’s not good. You want to try to flirt physical during the first date. The problem with fancy dinners dates is that they’re also costly. Not to mention it’s really boring to just sit across someone and converse for the next 2 hours.
Plan Out the Route to From First Date to Physical Intimacy
Planning a first date isn’t about spending hours sipping coffee together. You’ll want to aim for three or four low-key activities, ideally starting around 6 pm so you can hit your peak together by 10 or 11 pm, giving her that “I don’t want the night to end” feeling.
Here’s my typical first date plan:
1. Meet halfway for coffee at Starbucks or something casual like a park stroll, beach walk, bookstore visit, or sharing one of your hobbies.
2. Grab drinks at a nearby bar.
3. Find a reason for her to come back to your place.
These dates aren’t just budget-friendly; they also allow for the introduction of physical intimacy as you engage in activities together.
Choosing the right locations depends on her personality. You should be able to get a feel when you are texting her. Some may prefer cafes, stand-up comedy, or music events. The adventurous types may enjoy outdoor activities.
If you’re really into her, you can use this opportunity to explore new interests together, like karaoke or martial arts classes.
The key here is to make your first dates as engaging as possible. Through walking, talking, and teasing each other creates a fun atmosphere, especially when punctuated with light physical touches.
Elaborate first date plans aren’t necessary. If you’re getting enough dates through approaching women or online dating applications. Then you can treat the first date like more of a screening process.
Keep it simple with coffee and drinks. You can reserve special outings for when you’re both really into each other.
One other key is to take her to different places. This creates the illusion of spending more time together. This also demonstrates spontaneity and having the knowledge about your city.
As for dinner dates, they’re not off the table, but they should be a natural progression from a successful coffee meetup.
Avoid overly planned, expensive dinners; they create unnecessary pressure. Instead, keep your dates light-hearted, economical, and enjoyable for both parties. Lastly, remember, it’s okay to end a date early if it’s not clicking.
Strong boundaries are key.
Who Pays on the First Date?
Should you be buying first date second date should you be shelling out 300 dinners for dates should you buy her expensive gifts and flowers in order an impress her? Should you pay for cab rides?
The philosophy I take is to make it a team sport when it comes to first date second days because you’re just getting to know someone for me I stay pretty far out of town so I’m investing around an hour just in transport to go down to midnight in the central part there should be no reason why I should be over compensating on the first second third days and offering to pay for everything all right there are situations where you need to break this rule.
I did an entire video guide on spending on dates (and on women in general)
How to Escalate Physically on the First Date
If you come from a traditional Asian upbringing, you’re likely familiar with the expectation to approach dating with politeness and restraint, especially concerning women’s roles in initiating romantic interactions.
Asian societal norms may cast a negative light on women who express interest, leading to reluctance in making the first move.
Consequently, the responsibility falls squarely on you to initiate and escalate romantically. In particularly so during first dates.
On a first date, every woman varies in their comfort levels with physical intimacy.
However, my advice remains consistent: it’s better to seek forgiveness than to miss an opportunity altogether.
To introduce physical intimacy, you can strategically position yourself adjacent to her rather than directly across. This fosters a closer connection. This can also convey assertiveness and interest.
Yes, you may feel initial awkwardness. However, this approach often signals your intentions clearly. Now remember, women appreciate feeling desired.
Should the first date progress positively, consider transitioning to a more secluded environment for further intimacy.
Opting for bars or waterfronts provides an intimate setting for deeper connections. This accompanied by a gesture like holding her hand, demonstrates leadership and assertiveness. Similarly, selecting parks in proximity to yours and her place can set up a potential continued interaction beyond the date.
How to Take Her Home on the First Date
If you haven’t progressed to making out and holding hands by the end of your first date, chances are slim that you’ll be getting any more physical intimacy. That is perfectly. She may have values that are more conservative. That is out of your control. However what you can control is building a deeper connection, making her laugh, making her feel comfortable and setting a desirable tone throughout the date.
Now, let’s assume she’s comfortable to move things forward. The next step is to smoothly transition to inviting her back to your place. There is no need for elaborate excuses. A simple suggestion like “let’s chill at mine” is fine. The goal here is to ensure she doesn’t feel pressured or judge.
You can use humor to lighten the mood, such as joking about not messing up your room or playfully suggesting she’d be sleeping on the floor. This can ease tension and make her feel more at ease.
Once back at your place, focus on creating a comfortable environment where she feels relaxed and at ease. Engage in playful activities such as playful pillow fighting and maintaining a lighthearted demeanor: akin teasing a younger sibling.
Here is where you can gradually escalate physically, but also be attentive to her cues and respectful of any boundaries. If you’re kissing her in the bedroom, the rest often unfolds naturally. Whilst having sex on the first date isn’t uncommon, sexual intimacy is more typical to occur on subsequent meetings, typically on the second or third date. This timeline may vary based on her comfort level and personal values regarding intimacy.
If you haven’t reached this stage by the third or fourth date, it may indicate that she’s not seeking casual encounters before a relationship and holds different values regarding physical intimacy. That’s perfectly okay too. Now remember, you aren’t a sleaze bag. You are a high value individual with honour and dignity.
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