April 5

How to Approach Women without Creeping Her Out + Real Life Demo

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The big topic of approaching women in a right manner is a topic that is close to my heart. Especially so in Singapore and Asian cultures. In my years of experience, I see many of peers and friends doing it the wrong way because they are trying out pick-up artist techniques learned from Youtube from Western based dating coaches.

I applaud the effort but it can be much much smoother and optimized.

The Biggest Mistake: Standing Out like a Sore Thumb

Understand this: Singapore and South East Asia is a conservative culture. You got to really fine-tune your approach if you want to meet girls off the streets, in the clubs, or just about anywhere. No surprises here: you got to approach women in a very empathetic manner.

You can’t plug and play that you learn from YouTube.

One of the biggest mistakes I see guys doing is being too flashy about it. They stand out like a sore thumb. The best guys make it look like they are talking to an old friend. You’ll want to normalize the entire interaction. You don’t want to stand out like a sore thumb. You want to make it look really, really natural.

Key Concept 1: Your Fashion

The first fundamental to approaching girls is to dress well. Yes, you have a lot of techniques out there. Yes, you have a lot of fancy pick up lines and strategies on the internet. However, you’ll never get anywhere unless you get this first fundamental down.

It doesn’t mean that you’re dressing expensive. I’m just saying that you have to look like a friendly stranger. Wear clothes that fit you. The basics aren’t complicated: clothes that colors matches. There’s no need to look too fancy. You don’t want to stand out from the crowd.

To reiterate, Singapore and South East Asia is a conservative Asian culture. You don’t want to look as if you’re doing something out of the norm. You want to just fit right in. So, the first fundamental is to actually dress well and look like a friendly stranger.

Key Concept 2: Body Language

Let’s move on to the second fundamental. The second fundamental is body language. When you approach a girl, you don’t want to stand too close to her, you don’t want to stand too far apart from her. You want to calibrate your approach according to her reaction.

It’s about empathy. If she moves backward when you’re approaching her, that just goes to show that she’s afraid or she’s scared. Then take a step back. Calibrate your approach according to her responses. Never force or impose your approach on her.

So, when approaching a girl, you don’t want her to get startled. You don’t want to have any jerky movements. You just want to have neutral body language, neutral tonality as well.

Here’s the line my clients and I use 99% of the time:

“Hi, I know this is kind of random. I thought you look interesting and I just wanted to say hi.”

Note your tonality: good tonality is neutral tonality.

Key 3: Basic Conversational Structure

Moving on to the third fundamental, which having basic conversational structure when approaching. Most people go out and approach and they just ask questions, questions, and questions. This way you’ll get into an interview mode which really isn’t nice for someone you are talking to who is completely stranger.

Imagine if someone came up to you and he or she were to just ask questions, questions, questions. You’ll be annoyed.

The key here is is to mix up your questions and statements so that your interaction becomes  a two-and-fro conversation.

One good technique is called the cold reading technique. The cold reading technique turns your questions into statements. For example, instead of asking her “What do you do for a living?” why don’t you make a guess about her occupation?

You can make a guess:

  • “You look like a teacher, are you one?”
  • “You look like an insurance agent, are you one?”
  • “You look like a banker, the serious kind, are you one?”

This shall illicit her to respond. The conversation will be two-way. It’ll also avoid you falling into the interview mode. Hence, make sure your conversations have statements and questions.

Okay, let’s get to the final part, how do you actually get her number without looking needy?

How to Get Her Number when Approaching

I’ll only recommend trying to get a number if she shows a slight bit of interest. There’s a better phrasing to go about it. ¬†Instead of just blurting out “what’s your number?” or “can I get your number?” you should qualify her on a personality trait she has demonstrated during your conversation before asking for her number.

One line that I always use is, “look, you seem like a really interesting person. Look, you seem like a really adventurous person. Assuming if we continue to get along, why don’t we grab coffee someday?”

You’re qualifying her on a personality trait. Then you move on to say that only both of you get along, then you’ll be going for coffee.

That’s so much better than just blurting out, “Look, I think you’re cute. Can PLEASEE get your number?”

Conclusion

Lastly, I’d like to end off by saying that by being indirect: “Hey you look interesting…” instead of “Hey you’re pretty/ hot/ beautiful”…¬† takes a good amount of social pressure off her. It also sets standards that you aren’t completely bought over just yet.

In my experience, beginner guys starting out in this area of their life can get away with the direct approach because it can come off genuine. However if you are an attractive “high value male”, and someone that looks like he knows what he’s doing. If only go direct, it’ll be a little bit too threatening and confrontational. So one of the best ways to actually tune this down is to actually go indirect “Hi i think you look interesting i just wanted to say Hi.”

 


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