April 3

How to be Attractive Women – Does Money, Good Looks, Grades and High Status Matter?


How can you be more naturally attractive to women? If you’re Asian, Singaporean and Southeast Asians, you’re taught that if you were to grow up, get good grades, get a good job, everything else will take care of itself.

However, for a lot of my clients they’ve went through late 20s breakups, late 30s breakups finding themselves in a position where they are lost. For the first time, they’ve found themselves back into the dating market lacking in dating experience.

How to be Attractive Women – Does Money, Good Looks, Grades and High Status Matter?

Invisible Scripts from Traditional Cultures and Society

I grew up in a pretty traditional family and went through the traditional education system in Singapore. The norm that you’re taught? Buy her gifts, flowers, take her out to nice dinners, and all of your attraction problems will be solved.

Okay, so I want to dispel some of these myths and I don’t want to dispel it from just my personal experience. I also want to dispel it from an evolutionary perspective, the tons of research that evolutionary psychologists have done over the years. There’s a lot of publications and mainstream psychology books.

The Ideal Naturally Attractive Male

So, I’m just going to quote a quote from this book by Glenn Gahoe and Scott Perry Kaufman. It’s a book called “Mating Intelligence Unleashed”.

“The ideal man for a date or romantic partner is one who is assertive, confident, easygoing, and sensitive without being aggressive, demanding, dominant, quiet, shy, or submissive. Again, this fits the profile of the prestigious man.”

You’ve noticed that these are personality traits. They aren’t external factors such as the money in your bank, how good looking you are, how tall you are and your current social status.

Studies argued that someone who displayed the ability to acquire resources in the future also had equal potential then the person who is already born into family wealth, the person who already has resources.

I’m not saying that you do not work on your careers. I’m also not saying that you do not have to work on your grades. I am not saying  do not have to work on your fitness and looks and try to be as good looking as possible.

You want to maximize these factors.

However, you think that you are only going to be attractive to women when you become a millionaire or whenever you have a certain level of income or you have a certain level of grades, then you will always base your self-esteem or your self-confidence with women based on these external factors.

The Masculine and Feminine

There are two sides of being attractive. The masculine traits which is assertive, confident, easygoing, having boundaries without being aggressive, submissive or demanding.. Then the more feminine traits such as being empathetic and sensitive.

There’s both the masculine aspects of skills and personality traits that you need to embody and there’s this feminine side of traits that you need to embody yourself.

It’s not an either or thing, you can’t be that jock that’s portrayed in Hollywood movies. You’ve come across people like this. They’re just an annoyance. I’ll also argue that they wouldn’t do pretty well in their careers or when it comes to working because they’re just going to piss everyone off and they won’t be able to form social connections.

Then on the other end, there’s someone who is overly sensitive, who is overly feminine. Someone who just gives in all the time, who has no boundaries, who doesn’t call people out on anything. Someone that stands for unreasonable demands from the people around him, who can’t stand up for himself, who can’t stand up for others.

Females want a lover, females want the provider. They want someone who is able to stand up for themselves, they want someone who is able to stand up for them. If you think from an evolutionary perspective, attraction is all about the potential and the survival of the offspring.

If you are someone who just gives in and has no boundaries and you let people trample over you, then you’re not going to be able to acquire resources to ensure the survival of your offspring and it’s the same for the other side.

If you’re overly dominant and aggressive all the time. Then you won’t be able to build the social connections and you won’t be able to navigate yourself around the world to acquire the resources to ensure the survival of her offspring.

Emotional Toolsets and Courage

Through building these emotional skill sets, work ethic, discipline, sensitivity, and empathy, and ability to negotiate, ability to have boundaries, the ability to lead the group, the ability to lead yourself. You’ll be attractive to her.

It’s not by chance that I’m able to stand in front of a camera and just speak continuously for minutes at the go without relying on a script or teleprompter. These requires work and all this requires conscious effort and these skill sets were built throughout the years.

Let’s talk about independence of action and thinking. I feel this is very applicable to Asian culture because as males in a traditional culture, we do given to authority. Our culture upholds authority especially growing up. You look look up to our parents and people who are older than us.

I’m not saying that this is wrong and I do have nothing against hierarchies. However, I do think that at times many of us simply submit that we just kind of give in to authority even without questioning.

Leadership from an Evolutionary Thesis

Lastly, from an evolutionary perspective, every woman wants someone that can set up for her and stand up for himself. If you can’t even stand up for yourself and lack basic integrity and values… then what makes you think that you can stand up for her or her offspring? Then you won’t be able to ensure the survival of your offspring.

That inherently is a non-attractive behavior.

The answer is out: continue to work on your careers, continue to work on your school grades and continue to hit the gym However, at same time develop the emotional tool sets and the social skill sets in order to succeed with your relationships in the long run.

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